"How exciting it could be!"Tom was pretending to be policemen and is going to solve a case. George was helpless! He could not even float above the water and was struggling to gasp for air. Fresh air.A haze of fear had surrounded him and left him frantic with horror.
Without hesitation, we plucked up our courage and jumped into the water. Until now then we realised that George was not playing a fool. With swift strokes, I swam against the current to George. Tom decided to take the bulky plastic bag and I would save George. Tom's face was as pale as a ghosts.
Frightening thoughts raced through his mind. Would there be money or corpse? Wild thoughts was racing through my mind. The thoughts made him sick in the stomach. George was bobbing up and down like a yo-yo, desperately gasping for air. He felt desolate. Would he die in front of me? Fear had engulfed me.
All of a sudden, a wave of roaring water smacked me in the face and tumbled me like a tissue in the storm. I struggled to keep afloat in the water. I could feel darkness enveloping me as the swelling water rose above me.I was sinking in a rock in the water.
On the other side, Tom had reached the bulky plastic bag and swam back to shore(the grass). A awkward smell was coming from the bulky plastic bag. Tom was holding onto the bag and trembling in fear. He suspects that it should be a corpse but he dared not to open it. My chest seemed to explode in pain. My lungs were at bursting point. Would I die? I did not want to end my life just like that.My heart palpitated wildly.
I tried to gasp a precious mouthful of air. Wonderful air. Tom was shocked. He stood rooted to the ground as he did not know what to do. After he regained his senses, he immediately jumped back to the water. There was no time to lose. George became weaker and weaker. He had no strength to move. Although he could not really move, he tried to still stay above the water.
3 comments:
Ooo...I thought you are at the reservoir? How come got shore? Izit you mean the grass? Or are you at a beach? Looks like I need to research more about reservoir... =]
Maybe about the bulky plastic bag, you can say that the bag is heavy?
Your descriptions of you inside the water is weird too. You said you are sinking like a rock, then suddenly you can gasp a precious mouthful of air. Maybe you want to add in the descriptions given by Queen to close the gap. So funny. =]
And what do you mean by George becoming weaker and weaker? In a form of? And how you know he persist to the end?
Hmm...Maybe you want to explain to me the story. I'm "confused"... =]
Ta da! =)
Well, for this chapter your variety of phrases are indeed more. Keep up the good work!
However, i think it's better if only one person busy think about being the policeman. While the other serious and sensible one go and save George.
Was Tom a greedy person or a person who goes for petty gains? If not, why would he go for the bag and not help you to save George?
Yeah, an another thing. How did you know that Goerge persist to the end? I mean u r not him mah.
Other than that, the others are good! Kepp it up!
Can you explain what made you and Tom think that George is really drown and not acting? I don't really understand that part.
And I don't understand this part. You say that Tom had gotten the plastic bag and reach the grass. Then why would he stood rooted to the ground?
Try to elaborate more. :]
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