The current was smaller and smaller. Grabbing this golden opportunity, I swam with deft strokes towards the floundering George. At that time, Tom's track pants had stucked onto something below.
It pulled him down. He could not even struggle to come up of the water. It was too late to save him as I could not hold my breath anymore. Tom had died! I blame myself for not saving George and was going to drown. If this did not happen, Tom would not have died just to save us.
Summoning my last ounce of strength, I reel towards George. After what seemed like eternity, I managed to reach him in the nick of time. Without wasting any time, we swam back to shore. The smell of the bulky plastic bag was once again "occupying the air". It was so strong. This had made George to cough and splutter out the water. He had regained his senses. I was glad about it.
However, Tom death had made me very sad. I think the water plants below had pulled him down. He was my only friend in school. Other then that, I had no other friends anymore. Torrents of tears streamed down my cheeks and my body shook as I sobbed uncontrollably. It was all my fault! We cannot turn back the clock anymore. If I could do that, I would rather sacrifice my life but it was too late. I have no choice. George was traumatised after this accident but he dared not to pretend anymore. He knew that he was in the wrong.
"I found this bulky plastic bag floating and was curious about what was inside. As I tried to open it, I lost my balance and began to drown...," George did not know it was very dangerous but he was overcome by curiousness. George thanked me umpteen times for saving him. We went to see what was actually inside the plastic bag. Tension and fear mounted. My heart began to beat faster every second as frightening thoughts raced through my mind.
Mustering all my courage, I decided to untie the ribbon that was used to tie the bag. We need to get some help as this might be a murder case that was reported in the news. They did not managed to find the body of a woman that was chop into pieces. This had made me tremble like a leaf. What could it be?
2 comments:
For your 1st paragraph,6th line,should be, "Tom had died!" and not "Tom was died!"
For your 2nd paragraph,2nd line,it should be "him" and not "her". I didn't no that a pungent smell can make someone regained conscious. So cool.
For your 2nd last paragraph, how come you say George drown because he was too curious to know. So weird. Maybe you want say is "I founded this bulky plastic bag floating and was curious about what was inside. As I tried to open it, I lost my balance and began to drown..." This sounds better.
Your last paragraph shows that your imagination very "fen fu".
Well, I think maybe if you want to describe more about what thing that had made Tom drown. Maybe got some "monster" below or what. Like that, you can start a new plot with new idea. That's cool. Or maybe if you want to say there's water plants below and Tom was "tangle up" with these plants. Then, like that end the story faster.
So far, I understand your story. Jiay00us orh! =)
The part where," i founded"... It should be found.
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